Monday, November 21, 2016

Dreams


My father use to have prophetic dreams when some relation or friend was going to die.  In his dream everyone he had known who had passed was in the yard of an old farm house.  They were preparing for a family gathering.  There would be some people setting an outside table with plates and utensils.  Others bringing food dishes out to serve.  Others would be painting a white picket fence that went around the yard.  The person who would be about to die would be sitting at the table waiting for the meal to be served.

These dreams started after my father returned from the war in the Pacific and haunted him until he himself passed in 2000. He did not have these dreams often but when he did they were never wrong.

Lately I've been having frequent dreams about people who were close to me who have died.  These dreams seem very real, very intense, much more of a vision than a dream.  Most "mundane" dreams I have are weird, funny, just images, conversation, actions.  My recent dreams have included sensory details.  I feel temperature, the weight and warmth of someone's arm around my shoulders, the feel of clothing, items that I touch, taste, smell.  These dreams are more visceral than whimsy.

I have been doing meditation work on ancestors for about six months.  I've concentrated on honoring them, listening or watching for any signs from them.  I'm not that good at meditation, it's something that takes a lot of effort on my part.  I find that I'm too easily distracted but I've been working at trying to improve my technique.  I'm wondering if the recent bout of vision like dreams are a result of my meditation work.  I've actually dreamed about a couple of people that I've NEVER dreamed about before.  I haven't even thought about them in any serious way for quite a while.

What is bothering me is that the last two vision/dreams I've had there has been a relative in the dream who is not dead.  I'm finding myself wondering if my father's ability to dream about those who are going to pass has suddenly decided to invade my night time sojourns.  Do I mention this dream to my relative?  Do I keep my thoughts to myself?  A moral and ethical quandary to be sure.

So...if I say nothing and nothing happens I'll be happy that I'm totally wrong and just over thinking things.  If I do say something and nothing happens I'll feel like an idiot (and yes the person would think I was an idiot as well).  If I say or do not say anything and something does happen, well I suspect that there is nothing that anyone can do to change fate anyway.

I'll keep mum on this and continue to meditate and delve into my dreams.








Thursday, August 4, 2016

Village Witch

I am a professional Witch.  Sounds funny I know, but that's what I am.  I do witchcraft, I've been paid for what I do.  Therefore....professional!

I went to a Pagan/Witchcraft/Occult convention and attended a series of classes called "Village Witchery" - and that is what I do.  It was the first time I've attended a public Pagan event.  The first time I've interacted with others of my persuasion.  It was an eye opening few days.  I learned that what I do is a valuable asset to the community.  I realized that what I do is not so far out of the ordinary.  I am needed and wanted by many.  Are you one?

I have people calling me, mostly knowing about me by word of mouth.  They want help in some way or another.  If you look back into time you realize that the village witch was the person that people with no wealth or power would go to for justice, medical reasons, or psychological counselling. We were the last resort.  That is what I am today.  I am a witch, a person you turn to when nothing else works.  I can help you.  It's what I've wanted to do, and now what I do.

I've helped people who have had problems after an abusive husband has died and their house has felt like a prison rather than a home.  I am the last resort for people who have called the local sheriff but have had no help from them.  I am the person you come to when you have problems with others when you travel.  I am the person who understands when everyone else thinks you are crazy.  "Who you gonna call?" - ME!

Mostly I am a counselor.  I talk with them about their problem, I enable them to put their problems into more defined terms.   I read their cards, or use my natural empathy, or let the cards guide me into giving them advice and focus their minds into what it is they need to do.  I am the village wise woman, the village witch.  I wear jeans, t-shirts, drive a mini-van - but I just as well might wear a pointed witch hat (of which I have two), ride a broom, have a familiar (I have one), stir a cauldron (I do that on occasion) and cackle......mmwuahahahahhaha!

I am the village witch!  I do good.  I can do bad as well as good. I'm not Wiccan.  The "do no bad/evil and what you do returns three fold" Wiccan belief is not for me.  I'm a traditional British/Irish Witch - I'll curse as soon as I'll help....if it's what's needed.....but I'm not going to just blindly help someone.  They have to do the mundane work (the Muggle work) before I'll step in.  If I'm not convinced they deserve or really need help, I'm outta there.  I do what I do, feel responsible to my deities and moral beliefs.


Witches are everywhere....we are your neighbors, your co-workers, and more prevalent than you think.  We are, were, have been and always will be your neighbors.

Witches Rule!


Friday, June 17, 2016

Fathers, Husbands and Sons

This Sunday, June 19th is Father's Day here in the United States.  It's a day to celebrate all the fathers in your life.  This year I've been thinking about the men that have shaped me into the Crone that I am...my Father, my two marriages and my son.

I think above all else I am a child of my Father.  He was the most influential man in my life and June 17th this year would have been his 92nd birthday!  A former United States Marine he taught me so many lessons.  It's from my Dad that I got my weird sense of humor.  I learned that there are very few things in life that can't be improved with a laugh or sarcastic quip.  He had the humor of a man who faced death in its most brutal and ugly form, war.  He survived combat in the the Pacific during WWII and Korea.  I can't find much in my life that I can't laugh about.  The gift of humor from my father has served me well in good times and in bad.

My father taught me the strength and conviction of my beliefs.  I'm not afraid to be who I am or to believe in what I do.  My Dad told me that the greatest thing you can be is yourself.  Toward the end of his life we had some intense spiritual discussions.  His philosophy that enabled him to make it through two wars (Korea technically a "police action" but lets be real...it was a war) was that at your birth your hand is held by death and death walks with you from then on.  He always said that he knew he was dead anyway...so fighting, making an amphibious landing under fire, Chosin Reservoir were ok as death would be with you and take you when it was your time.  No need to worry about it.  I've made my peace with death, I can feel his hand in mine and know that I will go when it is my time, not before.  It's liberating to be friends with the grim reaper.

I miss my father.

I have had two husbands.  My first one whom I usually refer to as "Asshole" - well, lets just say he physically and mentally abused me.  I was young, too young and very stupid.  I did learn a valuable lesson from him even though it took five years and the loss of a child and my ability to have children.  I learned that to live in fear of what others think, or what you think they think is asinine. It was a hard lesson but one I know I had to learn  I do thank asshole for teaching me that.

My present husband, my beloved spouse, Himself is a joy.  A Crone couldn't ask for a better husband.  He's everything that I not only want but need.  From Himself I have humor, love, acceptance, patience (on both our parts!) and passion.  I would not change a hair on his head, a cell in his body or a thought in his brain.  He's perfect (for me).  I consider myself incredibly lucky.

Last but not least is my Son.  The only good thing I got from Asshole.  My son has given me love, heartache, grandchildren, laughter, companionship, and started me down the slippery slope of tattoo addiction!  I love him more than he probably realizes.

Father's, Husbands and Sons.....men in my life that have for good or bad made me into the wicked, crazy, unusual Crone that I am.  I love them all (except Asshole).





Sunday, May 29, 2016

There's A Whole Lot Of Shakin' Going On!


Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On!
I have what is medically called "Benign Essential Tremor"; ET for short.  It's called "Benign" because it isn't terminal, however, there is nothing benign about it.  

ET is a neurological movement disorder.  It causes rhythmic tremors of the hands, arms, head, legs and voice.  You can have the tremor in one, or all or a combination of places, on one side of your body or on both.  It can be an action tremor (you only shake when you "do" something) or a positional tremor (it only occurs when your body is in a certain positions).  Lucky me, I have it all!  

It's what the actress Katherine Hepburn had (if you are of an age to remember her!).

When I was a baby my parents noticed that I shook.  Our local family doctor told my parents that I had "senile palsy"....my father always thought it was funny that a tiny baby was "senile".  ET was known at the time, but was called palsy.  It was usually only seen in the elderly.  Many people only develop ET as they age, now it's known that a large percentage have it from birth. Because ET is not terminal there is little research into it even though it's the most common movement disorder in the world.  There are no drugs designed specifically for ET.  It's not known what causes a person to get ET, however it is genetic and can, but not always, run in families.

Somewhere in the Thalamus portion of your brain where movement is controlled the electrical impulses get screwed up and you shake.  There has been enough research to know that ET causes balance issues.  There is evidence, though not proven research to indicate that ET can also cause memory problems and depression.  It is not known if ET can "turn into" Parkinson's but a larger than normal percentage of people with ET develop Parkinson's.

Benign....oh, so benign!   ET has made my life miserable, but I've tried to keep a good attitude and sense of humor about it.  Some days it's damn hard. As a child I was unable to color inside the lines.  I found it next to impossible to write between the lines on school paper.  My handwriting was horrible.  Art's and crafts were a challenge.  I can't roller skate, ride a bike or any other activity that requires balance.  I fell down a lot.  Great confidence booster for your impressionable childhood years.  ET is probably the main reason I have been an introvert most of my life.  I'd much rather sit home and read than socialize.

This is your introduction to ET, I will be writing more about it in my next post.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

In Honor Of An Old Dog


May 5th was my Mini-minion Rupert's thirteenth birthday.  For those of you new to my blog Rupert is an English Bull Terrier dog.  When my beloved spouse "Himself" and I purchased Rupert he was suppose to be a Miniature Bull Terrier.  As Rupert aged and grew he was way too large for a miniature and too small for a standard.  We call him our "sub-standard" Bull Terrier; however there has never been anything sub-standard about him.

We arrived at the breeder's home and their front yard was filled with two very obvious full sized Bull Terriers and a litter of puppies.  The adult un-neutered male and the female (Mom and Dad) were playing together with the puppies.  The male was holding a toy in his huge jaws dangling it above the pups heads and they were jumping up and down trying to grab it!  I had never seen a male dog playing with puppies before!  This was our first indication of just how unusual BT's were.

We picked out Rupert and headed home expecting the usual adjustment period of whining, accidents in the house, chewing and destruction that always happens with a new eight week old pup.  Rupert sat in the back seat of the car, enjoying his ride, never once whining, never once causing a fuss.  No accidents.  No chewing....nothing.

Rupert has had so many medical problems from nail fungus, allergies, to glaucoma, lens luxation (the lens of the eye coming lose), bloating, grain intolerance, arthritis and now a thickening and hardening of his epiglottis.  Rupert has had both eyes removed.  He is nearly deaf (he can hear a little bit out of one ear) and he is starting to show signs of Canine Cognitive Dysfunction....aka Doggy Dementia.

Rupert can no longer play his favorite games with tennis balls, he doesn't like to go for walks, he is slow going up and down the stairs, needs help getting up on the couch and some days we have to coax him  into eating.  He can be cranky and demanding.  He is an old dog.

We never expected him to live this long; but we are so glad that he has.  He has been such an inspiration to me when I am feeling the hand of time on my bones and become annoyed with my life.  Rupert is, despite being cranky, a total love sponge.  His favorite thing is to sit next to me on the couch, his front paws wrapped around my leg, his head on my knee....he'll look up at me with his eyeless beautiful face, sigh, and I know he loves me...that I am the most import thing in the world to him.

I try to live up to his expectations....and I know that among all the dogs I've had in my life, and those that will follow when he's crossed the rainbow bridge...that Rupert is a rare and amazing dog.  He is an old, old soul in a dog suit.  He always has been.  It is and has been an honor to share the few years we have had with him.


Happy Birthday Rupert!
 

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Long Time Lost

Wow, it's been such a long time....April 14, 2014 was the last time I posted anything.  What happened?  Where did the time go?  The last two years seem a blur.  A friend asked me why I hadn't written anything and I responded that I had nothing to talk about.  She gave me "the look" and said "Really?  Nothing to talk about?".....I'll admit it, life and being lazy just got in the way.  But if you can't be lazy when you are a Crone when can you?  It's a feeble excuse, but I'm sticking to it!

Updates on my Crone existence...


My beloved mini-minions Rupert and Boomer are still alive.  Rupert my (blind [no eyes], deaf, and a tad senile) Bull Terrier is going to be 13 on May 5th!  I never excepted him to live this long.  His health is declining, he has good days and bad days.  We are not sure how much longer he will be with us.  Boomer our crazy Mini-Aussie (now according to the AKC [American Kennel Club] - a miniature American Shepherd) is doing poorly.  He just turned 10.  His back legs are very weak and he can no longer go for walks, jump up, sit up, or even lift his leg to "go".  He's on a variety of medications for inflammation, pain and anxiety.  Poor baby.  We are not sure how long he will be with us as well.  The Crone's home for special needs dogs is in full swing.  They take a huge amount of my time.



My tattoo acquisition is continuing.  I now have seven and just sent in a request for another appointment for number eight.  Blood and ink, blood and ink!

My dear spouse "Himself" is well.  For the first time since he was a small child he had to have some surgery, one for sinuses and one for skin cancer.

I'm having problems with my Essential Tremor and will be writing about it in my next posts.  It has become more of an issue in my life and I think one of the reasons I've not been writing.

So....my update and a promise to my friend that I will be more faithful in blogging...no more long time lost.