Friday, September 20, 2013

My Harvest, Looking To The Past

Autumn is once again here.  My favorite season.  For me it's a time to look back over the year, take stock of my "harvest" and contemplate what I have accomplished.  This year was one of illness, frustration, hard work on the path to regain my health, changes for family and new beginnings with a new son-in-law and very soon a new grandchild.  

This year also brought spiritual changes, insights, and new spiritual awakenings for some dear friends.  Because of this I found myself thinking back to the beginning.  I realized how some of my earliest memories and my relationship with my father shaped my beliefs and made me the Crone that I am today. 

When I was a young child, before I even started school, we lived in an old house.  I don't know how old it was, but to me it felt ancient.  I would sometimes wake at night, freezing cold, and see a strange woman walking through the room and then vanish.  You would think that a small child, awakened by a vision of an unknown woman in her room would be filled with fear, cry out or have nightmares.  I never did.  I remember more a sense of wonder and curiosity.  I knew the woman wasn't a dream because I was awake...she was real and she could disappear!  Wow, how amazing was that!

I asked my father about the woman and he told me to only talk to him about her.  He said "Your mom doesn't see her, only you and I do.".  I was, even at that age amazed that he believed me.  This began a life long connection with my father in a way that I don't think my brother or sister had or even knew about.  We would from that moment up until his death discuss what I now think of as spiritual things.  

My father use to have prophetic dreams about when someone in the family would die.  In his dream he would see an old country home with a beautiful yard.  Family members who had passed on would be in the yard preparing for an outside meal.  Planks were stretched over saw-horses loaded down with food.  Everyone was happy and enjoying each others company.  Around the yard was an old fashioned white picket fence.  Some members of the family were painting the fence.  Whenever someone was going to pass on, he would have this dream and that person would be in the gathering.  The person always died within two or three weeks.  I know this dream bothered him a great deal.  He would talk to me, asking if he should tell the person who was going to die about his dream or not.  As a child I knew he was just talking to himself, I just happened to be the one listening.  As I got older we had some amazing discussions regarding the ethics of "knowing".  He never told anyone about their impending death, he kept the knowledge to himself.

On one occasion he told my mother and grandmother about the dream and they did not believe him.  They made fun of his concerns over a silly dream.  After the person in question died they refused to talk to him about it and he never mentioned it again...except to me.  He would, in fact, make fun of spiritual things such as psychics, ghosts and divination.  I felt this was his way to avoid ridicule.  In our conversations however, his beliefs were quite different.  

My father was living with me and my husband when his mother passed away.  I was awakened by the phone call from his brother and took the message that my grandmother had passed.  I opened the door to the downstairs basement, where my father's bedroom was and he was standing, fully dressed at the bottom of the stairs.  He looked up and said "I know".  I just nodded.

We had discussions about Tarot and Runes as a tool to focus your intuition.  He didn't believe in them, in fact he thought that they were silly, yet I discovered after his death that he had been taking lessons on Tarot reading.  I believe that many of my father's spiritual beliefs were forged in the hell and fire of combat during World War II.  He was a U.S. Marine and fought in almost every campaign during the war in the Pacific.  He told me that you see and experience so much that is unexplainable during war and it shakes your beliefs to the core.  It was after the war that he started to have his dream, and see things.

I firmly believe that he had his "dream" about his own death.  The last time I saw my father alive he said "good-bye" when he left.  This was very unusual as he had never said that before.  His usual parting was "I'll see you later".  It left me unsettled and while stunned by his passing I was not surprised.

 As I grew older I hid my difference from everyone but my father, hid that I sensed things and saw things.  I hid that I didn't walk at all to the same drummer as all the other children.  I so desperately wanted to fit in.  It wasn't until early high school that the stress of pretending to be someone I wasn't got to be too much.  I purchased a set of Runes and haven't looked back since.  My beliefs have grown, changed and evolved.  As a Crone I've "come out of the broom closet" and am open about who and what I am.  My abilities have morphed, grown and become more focused.  I am who I am and I owe my father a huge debt of gratitude.  He was never comfortable with his "knowing", his spiritual side weighed heavily upon him.  He told me once that after the war his church held no answers for him and he wasn't sure where to look, but he was glad he always had me to talk to.  

I hope I helped him find some sense of peace.  I am so thankful for him because he helped me feel comfortable about myself.  I knew I was not alone.  He gave me the gift of normality and acceptance that I don't think I would have had without him.  He understood me even if he didn't understand himself.

Le Petite Crone says:  I love and miss you so much dad!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Unusual Posting....

I am going to do something a bit unusual for this posting - I want to direct you to another blog I think the message is important and should be read and shared.  Be aware that the blog I'm directing you to has graphic content.

I totally agree with the message in this blog - however I would like to ad that as a Pagan I see violence against women as a result of ALL radical, hard line, right wing, male dominated religions not just one.  

Any country that does not value women, educate and treat women as equal to men will have this problem.

I see a trend in this country by many to turn the clock back on gains women have made in society.  Religion, Government, the Supreme Court all seem eager to invade our vaginas and control what we can and can not do.

Here is the link - the posting is "The War AGAINST Women"

Le Petite Crone says:  Please read - share - discuss - pass on