The past nine months have been perhaps the roughest of my life. I've touched on some of my issues in previous blogs.
To recap my adventures in Hades....In September of last year my back which had been in bad shape for over twenty years became so bad that I finally gave in and decided that surgery was the answer. I had my surgery in October (Samhain Thoughts - 10/17). I had a horrible case of hives because of an allergic reaction to antibiotics. Following my back surgery I had three months of physical therapy, plus a case or Norovirus (The Long Road Back - 11/27). Then I got bonked under my chin by my Loyal Mini-Minion Rupert (my blind Bull Terrier) which resulted in a concussion. Many days of nausea, dizziness, poor concentration and just feeling bad followed.
My last posting (Spring - One Step Forward - Several Back - 3/24) I mentioned that my beloved spouse Himself and I had stomach problems (NOT Norovirus!). My stomach pain started about two days after his. While he started to feel somewhat better mine got worse. Late on a Sunday night I decided that if I couldn't get a doctors appointment I'd go to the emergency room the next day. I managed to get a doctors appointment which led to blood tests and x-rays. Absolutely nothing showed up....I was totally normal (HA! fooled them!). My doctor luckily had me see a different doctor the next morning. He had me go in for a CT scan and asked me to wait at the hospital and he would get the results immediately. I ended up in surgery a couple of hours later...despite no indications (such as a high white blood cell count or fever) I had a gangrenous and perforated appendix. Huge quantities of antibiotics! More hives! Oh, Yippee!
My hives started to fade and then I had almost 10 days of, shall we say...to be polite "the runs"? Once again to the doctor.....Taadaaa! I had "C-Diff" (Clostridium difficile). A bacterial infection caused by having massive amounts of antibiotics which kill off all your good bacteria leaving the Clostridium difficle bacteria free reign. My doctor was up in the air about if she should hospitalize me or not. She ended up having me get a saline IV to help with the bad dehydration along with a number of other tests...but no hospital. The cure for C-Diff? MORE antibiotics - more hives! Oh, Yippee!
After nine months of one medical problem, issue, accident after another I was at my wits end. I was near tears...giving up. "What Next???" was about all I could think. Then I had an "ah-ha!" moment.
My evening ritual includes a mantra which I recite to the powers that be. I thank them for all that I have, all that I am grateful for. I had been saying "I don't want to be unhealthy" as a way to ask for good health. A long time ago I realized that if I asked Himself something like "Don't forget to take out the trash" he evidently was only hearing "forget to take out the trash" as most people tend to block out "don't" and "no" and other negatives. I realized that perhaps the "powers" were hearing "I want to be unhealthy" and they were more than happy to comply! I've changed my thought process. I now say "I am healthy", "I am happy", "I am fit" and "I have energy!"....and it's working. The past few days I have felt better than I have since the middle of last year.
I should have known better. As a Crone I've done craft work for myself and others. I am always VERY careful in creating a petition or request to deities, spirits or powers. Any loophole is gleefully exploited and you can get unexpected and sometimes unwanted results. A careful Crone is a happy Crone!
So I guess it comes down to the "Power of Positive Thinking" (which dates me!). As a Crone I know that you DO manifest what you think. In order to manifest what is best and right for you and your life you have to have focus and clarity. My nine months of hell made me feel sorry for myself and lose that. I like to think that someone heard my mantra and sent the "ah-ha!" as a smack to the head. I find that "the powers that be" tend to do that for you....as long as you listen. I'm back on course, I've regained my focus and clarity. I am thankful for the challenges that I've had because as always, they have been a powerful learning opportunity and have helped me. I'm a better little old Crone.
Le Petite Crone says: Be positive in your life!