Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Old People Club

For a long time I dyed my hair.  I just couldn't stand the fact that I had gray starting to infiltrate into my auburn.  It drove me nuts.  I'm getting old!  Gotta stop this....ah, Clairol Natural Light Auburn...come to momma!

I didn't mind that my dear husband "Himself" was sporting very distinguished white at the temples, and that his beard was starting to resemble Father Christmas...nope, it's OK for a man to have gray hair.  They look good, distinguished, respectable.  Women...well, we look old, tired, worn out (this attitude was pre-Crone, I know better now).  Then I had a co-worker comment that she didn't dye her hair anymore, she was (gasp) proud of her gray..."she earned it!".  That struck a chord with me.  She was right.  Gray hair is a badge of honor! 

So.....I stopped dying my hair.  It was difficult watching it grow out, but I made it through the "skunk" phase where your hair is half dyed, half natural.  It was one further step on my crooked path to Crone-hood.  So now both my dear spouse "Himself" and I have gray hair.  Actually Himself has white hair, mine is silver.  You start to learn to appreciate the differences in the "shades of gray". 

A very strange thing happened once we both "went natural"  we discovered that gave us an automatic membership in the "Old People's Club".  We had never been members when we both had dark hair or when just Himself had white and I was auburn.  It only happened when we BOTH went gray. 

We noticed it first grocery shopping.  Once we retired we discovered the joy of shopping mid day, mid week.  There were a lot less people and it was a much more quiet experience (actually it's sort of a "Stepford Wives" type of vibe!).  However once we were both gray we noticed that the other shoppers (also older) would actually stop and talk to us.   Perhaps our darker hair had been some sort of cloaking device that previously made us invisible to them; or perhaps we were less threatening with gray hair.  I'm really not sure.

Waitresses will now automatically give us the senior discount and they flirt with my husband.  His theory is that white hair makes you appear harmless.  Older men smile at me and wink....I never had this happen when I was young! They obviously don't realize how dangerous a fully functional Crone can be (Bwoohahahaha!).

So here we are, both of us exploring our membership in the old peoples club wondering what the next manifestation will be.  Will people start offering to carry items?  Will younger folk start ignoring us?  Will our children start to shake their heads and say comforting things to us?  Will we start to think that adult diapers are a cool and with it garment?  Only time will tell....

Le Petite Crone says:  Bwoooohahahaha!  Where did I leave my glasses?

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Birthday Musings

Tomorrow, January 23rd, is my birthday and I find myself thinking about birthdays past, emotions, activities, and what the future may bring.  Granted this birthday isn't one of "the big ones" - those dreaded ages that end with a zero or a five.....40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 70 etc.  But it's pretty close to one of those!  I like to think that age is just a number and it's how you feel that determines your true age.  I've met people who are in their twenties who are old and people in their seventies and eighties who are young.  But when "the day" rolls around, you can't help but think about the number.  Gads, when did I get this old?????

I remember as a child being giddy with excitement over my approaching birthday.  What would I get?  How many presents?  Would my mom bake my (at that time) favorite cake (chocolate with white frosting and coconut!).  I never had many parties because I never had that many friends growing up.  My birthdays were usually just family affairs which was fine with me.

When I became a teenager I got nonchalant about birthdays.  I was too cool, too old to be bothered with such childish nonsense.  The only birthdays that mattered were sixteen and eighteen.  These ages are absolute milestones in a teens life!  At sixteen you were no longer a child (at least in your mind) and at eighteen you were in the eyes of the law an adult, you were graduating from school and going out into the big bad world.

Twenty-one is important, that is sort of the official "adult" age. Thirty...well, it's not quite as fun anymore.  You realize that the world isn't quite as enjoyable as you thought it would be at eighteen and twenty-one.  You also start to realize that birthdays keep on coming and to be honest it starts to worry you.  Age (as a number) is something you can't keep at bay.  I use to laugh at my Mom who insisted for years that she was only "39"!

I have a friend who is dealing with the realities of turning fifty (hang in there!).  Fifty never bothered me.  The birthday that put me into a deep blue funk was forty-one.  Weird, I know.  On my forty first birthday it hit me that I hadn't done ANYTHING that I had planned out for my amazing life when I was a teen.  I wasn't a published writer, I wasn't rich, I wasn't living the exciting life that I had wanted. 
My beloved spouse Himself gave me a rocking chair for my birthday that year!  I had asked for one for my bad back.  I loved it but the more I thought about it the more I got depressed.  I was not happy.  This was the year I started down my slow crooked path to becoming a Crone. 

So here I am, sitting in a recliner, mini-minion Rupert snoring away behind me.  I'm another year older tomorrow.  I have aches, pains, my back is stiff, and the future is good.  Since I started down my Crone path I've learned to just accept what I can't change and embrace my life good and bad.  Once I did that I discovered that most of it IS good.  My birthday is just another day but it gives me the opportunity to think back over the years and realize just how blessed my life has been.

Do I have physical problems?  Yes.  Do I get depressed from time to time?  Yes.  I have silver hair and wrinkles, I'm a tad saggy and baggy in places...but that is OK.  I have a wonderful spouse whom I love dearly, two loyal mini-minions whom I love just as much, interesting friends and a life filled with magic, laughter and joy. 

Le Petite Crone says:  What better birthday present could you wish for?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Seasonal Patterns

Living on "The Peninsula" you notice seasonal patterns.  You can watch the migration of Canadian Geese flying in formation overhead and hear the haunting calls of the Trumpeter Swans.  You can watch the ebb and flow of animal life, now there are robins, now swallows, the frogs sing, they are silent, the bears are active, now they are quiet.

You watch the plants come and go with the seasons.  When we first moved here I was so enchanted with ferns, so tropical, so beautiful.   Now in the spring and summer I rant and rave as I yank ferns from the middle of my lawn.  They seem to pop up overnight as if some wicked faery is intent on tormenting me by causing full grown plants to appear as if by magic in the few hours between dark and dawn.   I watch as the elderberry bushes seem to grow several inches each day...sometimes I swear I can see them growing.

There are other seasonal patterns that are more subtle.  Your moods change from summer to winter, your level of activity changes too.  Here on "The Peninsula" you find yourself fighting depression quite often in the autumn and winter.  We have day after day of gray or white skies, no sunshine and short days.  During the winter the sun rarely rises above 45 or 50 degrees from the horizon.  Exercise, vitamin B and D, full spectrum lights and a sense of humor certainly help.

We change from flannel sheets on the bed in the spring and summer to fleece sheets in the autumn and winter.  If it's a really warm summer we may have cotton sheets on the bed for about two weeks!  I don't think we ever change from wearing long sleeves to short...its just how MANY shirts you have on that changes!  At the present both my beloved spouse Himself and I wear about three shirts or two shirts and a sweater.

Speaking of Himself, I do owe him an apology.  During the summer the bed sheets and blankets tend to migrate to  his side of the bed by morning and I routinely accuse him of being a blanket hog.  However during the winter they migrate to MY side of the bed and I never mention it....so, darling....I'm sorry, I'm a blanket hog in the winter.  I admit it!

There are patterns everywhere.  Just like the ocean tides patterns are the ebb and flow of our lives.  As a Crone I take the time to notice these patters and embrace them.  Sometimes it's not easy as the patterns are not ones that you enjoy such as aches, pains, and obvious diminishing of mental abilities.  However even these patterns are part of the process, part of the journey, part of life.

Le Petite Crone says:  Enjoy the patterns of your life!

P.S. - "Bikini Quest 2012!" is going well....I've lost 4.6 pounds since the first of the year!  I WILL wear my bikini in June!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Bikini Quest 2012!

2012 is here at last....and this is the start of (tadaaaaaaaaa!) "BIKINI QUEST 2012!"  Yes, this little silver haired Crone is on a "Bikini Quest".  Think of it as a sort of Spirit Quest! 

This year (a few months from now) my beloved spouse "Himself" and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary.  We are planning on spending it in a tropical location with a slight odd historical twist which appeals to my very "Crone-ish" nature.  Living on "The Peninsula" we never have an opportunity to wear bathing suits, in fact we pretty much live in sweaters and flannel year round.  I own two bathing suits; a lovely blue, purple and pink one-piece and a very nice two-toned blue bikini which I wore on my 50th birthday (many years ago) in another tropical location.

I am afraid that over the yeas since my 50th birthday I've suffered from a slow creep of additional poundage...so my quest includes the utter destruction of these unwanted fat cells.  I'm not obese by any means, I am just not in bikini form anymore and dang it all....I WANT to be (Himself wants me to be too!)...but to be honest I'm doing it for myself....because of HER.

It all started during another tropical visitation celebrating Himself's 50th birthday.  My beloved spouse was swimming in the warm tropical waters.  I was lounging on the shore in my lovely blue, purple and pink one-piece when this alien couple, similar to our ages at the time, took up residence near me on the beach.  

The male was gorgeous (not as handsome as Himself, but then who is???).  SHE on the other hand was otherworldly.  SHE was tall, blond and clad in a tiny white bikini.  She had a perfect tan, perfect body and was wearing (dripping in) diamond jewelry (who wears diamonds on the beach?  Come on!).   She floated down to the waters edge and dissolved into the surf for a swim.  When this creature, obviously an alien, rose from the water and walked up the beach towards her towel and chair, she was dry, her hair was perfect, she glided rather than walked....and....and....she had NO SAND STUCK TO HER!  She must have had a force field around her body or something, or perhaps it was the bikini...it was just not right whatever the reason.

Then, I went for a swim.  I walked towards the waters edge, only tripping a couple of times.  When I emerged, wet, scraggly hair and runny nose...I had to walk bowlegged up the beach due to the vast amount of sand stuck to my legs, body, arms and probably about half a cup of sand somehow wedged into the bottom of my swimsuit.  Can we all imagine "The Creature From the Black Lagoon?"  Yea, that was me....a great moment from evolution...the first appearance of an amphibian on the shore.

Because of HER (The Alien) I went on my first "Bikini Quest" for MY 50th birthday and wore my little blue bikini on the beach.  Just like "Frosty the Snowman" came to life because of an old top hat, I found magic in my little blue bikini.  I have to report that there were no alien sightings and my bikini did seem to fend off about 90% of the body sand.  I was happy....oh so happy.

Perhaps this ocean side visit from the aliens was meant to show us lowly humans the way to evolve beyond flannel and sweaters.  She came not to humiliate me and make me feel bad about my amphibian attempts at beach enjoyment but to show me how to evolve beyond my primitive state.  Himself was pleased, I was pleased....in fact he said (and still says) that I looked "pretty good" in my bikini (high praise indeed!). 

I'm not a vain person, but I enjoy looking the best I can and to be honest I've let the weight creep back on.  I'm not looking at this as a "New Year's Resolution" but as my "Bikini Quest" - I want to wear my bikini at least once more even though I'm silver haired and a Crone.  Look for occasional updates on this blog and follow my progress.

Le Petite Crone says:  Wish me luck!