Monday, February 6, 2017

Here's looking at you!

I've been thinking about age lately.  It's not hard to do since I'm now 63 years old.  Some thing just seem to sneak up on you and hit you in the head with a baseball bat.

One thing I've noticed about getting older is that my ability to control my bladder is gone.  If I stand up, lift anything, laugh, strain in any manner I "piss my pants!"  If my beloved larger half, my spouse kisses me my bladder takes that as a signal to just let go.....I thought after my "productive" years as a female....being able to reproduce...had ended that I'd never need "pads"....silly I wear a pad every day to keep my pants from being soaked.  Yippie!  I love being older.

I noticed a few months ago that I was seeing "double" - oh what fun....turns out I had (as my doctor said) a rare but not unusual "very fast developing cataract!".  I've been using prescription eye drops for over a day now, and am going in for eye surgery on Wednesday (2/8).  In addition I have constant headaches.  Oh fun.
I made the horrible mistake of looking on youtube for cataract surgery and now know what is going to happen.  Yuck.  The fact that you are awake is just double the fun. will be great to have this it is now everything looks like I'm viewing the world through a sheet of tissue paper.

Old age, being a crone, is not for wimps.  I have in the near future a trip to the hospital in Portland, Oregon for a colonoscopy - I've already had two of them - this will be my third.  The colonoscopy isn't that bad it's the prep - where you spend the day on the toilet "shitting" your brains out in order that your colon is clean enough to eat out of.  Oh fun.

I'm having problems with my medication for my essential tremor.  My medication causes me to have short term memory problems, lethargy, and depression.  I have no desire to do anything...probably why I haven't written much on my blog (sorry!).  I've got an appointment with a neurologist in a few months to discus my situation.

I'm having problems with my age....feeling old, disassociated with reality, not wanting to engage with the world.....I hate this.  I, as a vital crone, involved with witchcraft should feel connected with the energy that is around us...yet I don't.  It makes me sad, depressed and I feel as if I'm failing in my role as a "Crone".'s looking at you and hopefully I'll feel a bit better when I can actually see without double vision and constant headaches.